We’re all of us growing up… me, Angela, and Jordan.

I was going to post this on my Facebook wall… but two of my friends did it for me. Why does everyone know me so well? (Oh, right, the fact that my current Facebook profile pic is a Brian Krakow headshot may have something to do with it.)

The Guardian tried to fill in the blanks between then and now.

I, meanwhile, am 27 today. And (at last!!!!) defending my Master’s thesis tomorrow. The latter being one reason for my extended absence from the blog, despite the immense joy, and pain, and longing that accompanied my discovery of GRACELING and THE HUNGER GAMES within weeks of each other.

If I survive tomorrow, my many opinions about them may follow… let’s hope!

Shades of MSCL: When instead of apologizing for betraying someone, you minimize their pain, and it’s supposed to be self-deprecating and romantic

From Jennifer Donnelly’s THE TEA ROSE:

“It’s never been alright. Not since the day I walked up these stairs and walked away from you. I ‘urt you that day, I know I did, but all you lost was me. I ‘urt myself a million times worse because I lost you.”

From MY SO-CALLED LIFE’s should’ve-been-penultimate episode (damn you, “Weekend”), “The Betrayal”:

Angela: Look, I don’t care anymore, okay? So just go away.

Rayanne: You’re not the only one who got hurt.
Angela: Well, forgive me if I can’t feel sorry for you, Rayanne.
Rayanne: You lost nothing, Angela. You lost a lousy, selfish friend, a guy you never really had… you lost nothing! …. I lost a really good friend! I lost everything.

And then comes the part where I cry and cry. It’s better on the show than in the book.

The vagaries of memory… in a narrator?

luna-julie-anne-petersTwo books I read recently in my ongoing LGBT reading challenge — Nancy Garden’s ANNIE ON MY MIND and Julie Anne Peters’s LUNA — employ the same interesting technique: the narrator-protagonist is really telling you the story, as evidenced by their struggling to remember particular details.

It’s more pronounced in ANNIE ON MY MIND, where the narration repeatedly includes passages like,

I remember we were both watching the sun slowly go down over one end of the beach, making the sky to the west pink and yellow. I remember the water lapping gently against the pilings and the shore, and a candy wrapper — Three Musketeers, I think — blowing along the beach. Annie shivered.

annie_on_my_mind_coverSometimes — I can’t find a good example — Garden has the narrator Liza trying, and failing, to remember details that are important to her (who put their hand on the other’s arm first), even while she remembers other things that don’t matter. You get a strong sense that the story is her actively constructing her memories for you.

And you get a sense that she’s really explaining things to herself, as much as to you, when she adds narrative commentary like, “But maybe — and I think this is true — maybe we also just needed more time.”

When Garden isn’t highlighting the imperfections of Liza’s memory, or her struggle to make sense of it, she’s sometimes drawing attention to the fact that she does remember, as in this passage:

I nodded, trying to smile at her as if everything was all right — there’s no reason, I remember thinking, why it shouldn’t be — and I sat down on the edge of Annie’s bed and opened the letter.

Which, for me, pulls up that recognizable feeling of knowing something is wrong but pretending to yourself that it isn’t, far more than if Garden had simply told us that that’s how Liza felt. For some reason, the fact that she remembers feeling that way matters.

It actually reminded me of nothing so much as a moment toward the very end of the pilot episode of MY SO-CALLED LIFE. Angela and her mother reconcile after their fight over her hair (which she has dyed “crimson glow,” and which her mother says looks like it “had died — of natural causes”). The scene ends with Angela’s voiceover narration, “I fell asleep right there — I must have been really tired.”

MSCL does not, in general, have WONDER YEARS-style narration, where older Kevin Arnold is looking back; most of the narration is real-time. And partly, this was the pilot and they were probably still figuring out the limits of their template, but it always stands out to me as, I think, the only example of Older Angela thinking back. And it’s funny because it’s such an utterly banal thing to remember!

I think that’s what I liked about the technique in both of these books… it’s a convention of fiction that the narrator has this obscenely good memory, and you accept it for the sake of getting the story. Garden, and to a lesser extent Peters, break that convention and make their narrators into …people narrating, instead.

Angela Chase is fifteen years old — today and forever.

My friend Iain reminds me that,

It was fifteen years ago to-day that Angela Chase dyed her hair. Television
drama was never the same again. It was real. Not some la-la-la land where
everyone was happy all the time. Not some far-off place where things were
packaged into 43-minute chunks, everyone knew their place, and everything was
neatly resolved.

And pulls out an old set of questions:

  1. Which character to you most identify with?
  2. Why?
  3. Which character would you most want to bang?
  4. Why?
  5. Favorite Episode?
  6. What would you have Corey Helfrick paint on your shoes if given the chance?

I’ll throw out a question of my own: What moments of the show do you experience the most differently today, compared to when you first saw it? (Whenever that was… sometime during the MTV years, for most of us.) And what parts do you think you will always view the same way?

My own answers later.

My So-Called Resurrection

I couldn't find a Once & Again-era picture of Audrey Marie Anderson, but she looks a hell of a lot better with the shorter hair in this more recent pic.

I couldn't find a Once & Again-era picture of Audrey Marie Anderson, but she looks a hell of a lot better with the shorter hair in this more recent pic.

I just finished season two in my ongoing re-watching of ONCE AND AGAIN (late ’90s/early ’00s teen TV from the people who brought you Underage Reading’s favorite show, MY SO-CALLED LIFE), and I’m really struck by how that season in particular is the zombie version of MSCL. After the latter’s untimely demise, its core elements are brought back to life… in new, more malevolent form.

O&A’s Carla is the season’s vehicle for exploring some MSCL’s themes, with a twist. As in: what if the teen with no place to go, taken in by the main upper-middle-class family of the show, was — rather than the most moral character ever to stalk the halls of a fictional high school — actually pretty bad?

Or: what if you took the same elements of one of MSCL’s core dramas — the “bad girl” is taken with the more innocent main character, so much so that she exploits her own lower inhibitions to pursue the main character’s crush — but wrote it so that she bore none of the consequences of the emotional havoc she wreaked… and the main character had to make her own peace with that?

I also noticed, watching Carla, how it’s possible to fully believe your own crap, and yet have that pose no barrier to your utterances being perfectly pitched to manipulate others. I recall that Television Without Pity’s recappers couldn’t stand Carla; I enjoy her, because I believe in her. This is partially the acting — I think ONCE AND AGAIN is extraordinarily well cast, my commentary on Shane West aside — but it’s also that Carla is perfectly written as a character who is extremely gifted at manipulating the right kind of people, but not well-attuned to how off she seems to others (especially, most adults). More than any of the other characters, I think — even Grace — she’s congenitally teenage.

The producers were clearly having fun with the alterna-MSCL aspect of the season, because they cast both Devons in guest-starring roles both emotionally and physically opposite their MSCL characters. Devon Gummersall (Brian on MSCL) is the busboy who becomes a hostage-taker… and, like most such sad sacks, can’t even do that right; Devon Odessa (Sharon on MSCL) plays a lustful and incompetent temp. I think they both do a great job, which is notable in Odessa’s case because these days when I watch MSCL, I’m struck by the feeling that her acting is a notch below the rest of the main cast’s.

Final trivia: Devon Gummersall’s brother Josh was an assistant to the producers on O&A, and in the episode where Rick is summoned to testify before a grand jury about the misdeeds of the contemptible character* Miles Drentell, an unseen character accused of delivering a bribe is named Gummersall. …And I’m starting to understand what my friend Vic said about the odd experience of listening to the MSCL commentaries and realizing you remember the show much better than its creators… MSCL was my first, and will always be my best, trivia love.

Actually, on that: I inadvertently outed myself as a MSCL-obsessed freak on the last day of this seminar I took this spring. My friend Adrienne, also a MSCL fan (who isn’t?), was trying to remember whether something had occurred in Three Rivers, PA; I immediately informed her that Three Rivers is actually the fictional suburb of Pittsburgh in which MSCL is set. That’s not what showed my obsession. What showed my obsession is that when the professor expressed awe at the ease with which small details of the MSCL universe come to my mind in utterly different contexts, I didn’t understand why this was anything to be surprised about.

* “Contemptible character” in both senses, I’m afraid: the character, well-portrayed in all his annoying glory by David Clennon, is a contemptible man, and he also had a contemptible effect on my viewing, as in I wanted to stab myself every time he entered the scene.

Also: had anyone told me six months ago that I would be writing footnotes about scope ambiguities in a blog ostensibly about children’s books… I would’ve said they knew me alarmingly well.

Random question: are teen girl actors better?

onceandagainSo I’m rewatching ONCE AND AGAIN, a Herskovitz & Zwick (the producers of MY SO-CALLED LIFE) show. Why? Because it’s finals time.* Ahem.

And there’s a lot of things I’m thinking this time through, mostly centering on how much recognition I feel at all the classically identifiable H&Z moments and tropes. Some of which is wonderful and moving for me, and more of which, actually, is annoying than I would have expected.

But here’s my question. They did a simply amazing job of casting the teen girl actors, Evan Rachel Wood (who’s gone on to a very successful movie career) and Julia Whelan (who I believe mostly stopped acting after the show). And the teen male lead is… not as good. I don’t recall whether he improves later in the show (I’m still just halfway through season one), but it’s very noticeable. He’s not awful, but… the difference is striking.

And it’s making me remember just how incredible Claire Danes was in MSCL, and how in a few key scenes, Jared Leto just doesn’t measure up. (Like, after they’ve broken up and he comes to her house to return her bike, except it’s really Brian’s bike, and they’re talking about sex and death, and it turns out her dad is listening the whole time…)

So, obviously any show can have a dud actor. And I’m not talking about duds here, just actors who don’t always rise to the greatness of their costars. (And actually, I think the weakest acting in MSCL comes from Devon Odessa, who plays Sharon.) But H&Z have been consistently incredibly successful about casting female leads who take your breath away. Is it a general pattern that in the teenage years, it’s more common for female actors to reach great heights of naturalistic displays of emotion? Or am I overreaching? What do you guys think?

* I don’t actually watch much TV anymore; I never watch it live. But some semesters, when I’m really in a panic over finals, I feel an inexplicable urge to watch my shows. My first semester of grad school, I didn’t watch any TV all semester (which was actually kind of an adjustment, moving away from my parents’ TiVo and all)… until finals hit, when I suddenly felt compelled to watch three seasons of ANGEL. (My first-year-of-grad-school roommate and I picked one another for several reasons, but the complementary nature of our respective TV-on-DVD collections was not the most minor of them. I had MSCL and the Collectors’ Edition of Freaks and Geeks, both of which were hard to find at that time; she had… everything else.)

But yeah. I don’t know if this pattern is a reaction to the anxiety (Avoidance, the Greatest Strategy of Them All!) or because when I’m so close to freedom I start fantasizing all the things I could do with it and then I really want to, or what. But this semester’s papers are a particularly painful bunch for me (as measured by the triumvirate of how much I care about these classes (a lot), how much I’ve done on these papers (almost nil), and how soon they are due (let’s not discuss it)), so ONCE AND AGAIN it is.

Paper Boys

If we’re going to talk about John Green’s PAPER TOWNS, we’d better get the obligatory MY SO-CALLED LIFE comparison out of the way first. (I mean, besides the MSCL comparison I already made.)

Brian Krakow was a nerdy guy, in love with/obsessed with the female neighbor he’d had a childhood friendship with, whose therapist parents really didn’t help:

Bernice: [offscreen; we never see Brian's parents] Brian, honey? Are you ignoring me, sweetheart? If you are, it’s okay. Just tell me.
Brian voiceover: My mother is a behavioral psychologist.
Bob: Bernice, if you left him alone, maybe he’d break out of this prolonged latency.
Brian VO: And my father is a Freudian psychiatrist.
Bernice: Our child is not in latency!
Bob: Keep living in denial, Bernice.
Brian VO: Which basically means that they fundamentally disagree on, like, everything.
Bob: Bri? Everything all right?
Bernice: Feel free not to respond!
Brian VO: At Angela’s house, they probably, like, laugh, and eat unbalanced meals, and talk about things that don’t have deep symbolic meaning. They’re probably like this normal family.
[And, because this is television, that leads us into an ironic segue]

I have kind of a thing for nerdy boys, and this picture of Devon Gummersall (as Brian) looking so young & earnest is striking me as disturbingly adorable. This is not my usual reaction to Brian.

I have kind of a thing for nerdy boys, and this picture of Devon Gummersall (as Brian) looking so young and earnest is striking me as disturbingly adorable. This is not my usual reaction to Brian.

Quentin “Q” Jacobsen, the PAPER TOWNS protagonist, on the other hand, is… exactly what I just said.

The psychologist parents who really don’t get it is such a cliche (I assume it far predates MSCL; anyone got examples?), but Green does it quite well with the parents’ small role. I particularly enjoyed this bit:

My dad put his arm around me. “Those are some very troubling dynamics, eh, bud?”

“They’re kind of assholes,” I said. My parents always liked it when I cursed in front of them. I could see the pleasure of it in their faces. It signified that I trusted them, that I was myself in front of them.

papertowns
This is a great parody, in that it’s a very small detail that I absolutely can believe, and can build a mental picture of these folks around. But a nice thing Green does here is go beyond just parodying Q’s parents; he uses their characterization to develop our sense of Q, and the stakes for him of the choices he’ll be making in the book. When Q takes the major step of deciding to do something that he thinks will be helping his friend, which involves staying out all night, he lies to his parents and says he’s going to the prom:

He told me not to drink, and I told him I wouldn’t, and he said he was proud of me for going to prom, and I wondered if he would be proud of me for doing what I was actually doing.

This is a very economical, and in my opinion, very well done way of conveying Q’s development of his own moral compass, without any fuss.

That kind of quick characterization is one of the things John Green excels at. Another is metaphors.

Some of these are at the line level:

  • “A small, olive creature who had hit puberty but never hit it very hard, Ben had been my best friend since fifth grade, when we both finally owned up to the fact that neither of us was likely to attract anyone else as best friend.”
  • “Chuck Norris’s tears can cure cancer, but unfortunately he has never cried.”

It’s shit like this that’s made me have to fight myself to keep the Wednesday Words from becoming one big John Green marathon.

But PAPER TOWNS as a whole is also organized, in a way you don’t understand right away, around finding the right metaphor for death. The setup involves a nine-year-old character confidently describing her explanation of a man’s death: “Maybe all the strings inside him broke.”

It’s the kind of inexplicable thing that you can imagine a nine-year-old finding perfectly sensible, but it languidly takes on a whole new series of meanings over the course of the story. This climaxes in a two page explicit monologue about the metaphor by one of the characters, and amazingly, instead of finding this unbelievably pretentious and annoying, I think it’s actually kind of beautiful.

…So here’s the thing, though, with John Green. I wrote the above in early March, and I’ve been sitting on this post ever since, and the reason is that I just can’t pin down what I really think about the man’s books.

On one level, I feel like Green really gets a certain kind of kid, and it’s the kind I actually hung out with (and was) in high school. His books have a very contemporary feeling, compared to many I read in the ’80s (and reread now). Like, any book involving boys this age is going to have boys talking about sex; yet few older books would have a line like this one (the ludicrous character Ben is speaking):

“Bro, I saw your mom kiss you on the cheek this morning, and forgive me, but I swear to God I was like, man, I wish I was Q. And also, I wish my cheeks had penises.

You’re just not too likely to find that, outside of, say, Melvin Burgess’s DOING IT (which is also, incidentally, the one of his books that I’ve actually enjoyed; but then, I have a strong aversion to the lurid drug abuse books that became so much in vogue with Burgess and, Christ, Ellen Hopkins, who’s still hitting this pipe like it’s crack and she’s one of the lost souls in her own damn unreadable novels).

I think this is why John Green’s books speak so strongly to a lot of people — there’s no denying that the man’s got some seriously enthusiastic fans — the books and the videos and the blog posts are expressing a subculture that a lot of smart, verbal, well-educated and somewhat alienated middle-class kids experience and rarely see represented in the popular culture targeted at them — because most books are either too sanitized or not smart enough or both. Green’s got the nerdiness and the crudeness all rolled into one. God, I would have thought these were the coolest thing in the world when I was 15.

It’s also Green’s biggest problem: if you don’t happen to be one of the kids who’ve been waiting for a book with just this tone, all the cleverness comes across more as cliquishness. That’s why, even though I do like the books, I feel complaints like this one, from an anonymous commenter at bookshelves of doom:

It’s not that I’m averse to his characters, it’s just that while I read his books I find myself thinking, this is funny, right? I should really be laughing here. I wonder why I’m not? Why AREN’T I? Is something wrong with me?

I think sometimes the characters themselves seem to try so hard to be original, funny, and above all, carry-the-theme-at-all-costs-even-if-their-actions-don’t-make-sense, that I feel preached at, and it seems I’m reading the same novel over and over.

I went to nerd camp when I was 13-15 (after years of bouncing between normal camps I hated), and one reason I loved it is that there was a palpable feeling of relief, among the friends I made, at being there instead of at home. Kids who were closeted at home came out at camp; we made up strange rituals and minutely documented their history like self-conscious anthropologists of ourselves; we dressed like lunatics and talked fast and loud and made up ridiculous songs about crayons and international relations and bizarre sexual practices we pretended to understand.

And some of my friends talked starry-eyed about how here was a place without cliques and judgment, and it was no different than in any other setting where someone declares confidently that there’s no real in-crowd: it just tells you they’re of it.

John Green has succeeded in building around him a fervent base of kids who, I gather, think they don’t quite fit in in their schools’ mainstream culture, but get to feel like The Cool Ones for reading and loving his books. He is my nerd camp. Although I have no doubt that he genuinely enjoys and respects his readers, it’s also a brilliant marketing strategy.

And it’s off-putting to those who just don’t quite get it — not because they have different taste, but because they can tell that what’s really being felt by his fans is that they’re not as cool because they have different taste. I’m supposed to find this funny is not ever a particularly fun impression to get, and it might be even more annoying when it seems to come with the self-satisfaction of being above that sort of thing. That’s one way to look at the John Green Phenomenon. But another way is: aww, man, can’t the nerds just have their day?

COMING UP: I somehow actually managed to write all this without returning to my obsession with girls and boys and John Green, but that will be rectified in an upcoming series of posts. Hence the new category “Boys, girls, and nerds.” Oh yes, I have so much to say.

’70s culture doesn’t last Forever…

An older ('80s?) version of the FOREVER... cover

An older ('80s?) version of the FOREVER... cover

I had food poisoning yesterday, which totally sucked, and led to my not doing things I really needed to and instead lying in bed finishing Markus Zusak’s GETTING THE GIRL and re-reading Judy Blume’s FOREVER…, which would have been really fun had I not felt like crap.

And one of the things that struck me about FOREVER… (which, remarkably, I had not read since a boyfriend introduced me to it in high school) is how so very 1970s it is. I mean, check this out, you guys; this is a scene between the 17-year-old narrator Kath and her 13-year-old sister Jamie:

“What were you two doing in your bedroom? [...] I know all about sex.”
“Congratulations!”
“Were you fucking?”
“Jamie!”
“That’s not a bad word… hate and war are bad words but fuck isn’t.”

The FOREVER... I bought at WalMart last month

The FOREVER... I bought at WalMart last month

More generally, FOREVER totally inhabits this upper-middle-class liberal world that I feel like really existed in the early 1970s, when there was a women’s movement and the recession hadn’t really hit yet. And Judy Blume, who’s long been a lefty and who was already a big publishing star by this time, would have certainly been inhabiting this world herself.

And it’s funny to be reading it today, because on the one hand, I kept being struck by how much more political the characters were than in almost any books today. I feel this over and over again when I read YA books from the ’70s; the sense of social transition and the normalcy of political debate are just palpable. It’s a lot more fun than the blandly liberalized world of most YA publishing today, I think. (And, I mean… he names his penis Ralph. Does anyone not love this book — I mean, besides the people perpetually trying to censor it?)

But I have to say, I am sick to death of reading books where everyone’s parents have glamorous middle-class or upper-class jobs. (Renowned film critic! Philanthropist!) It’s a long-standing complaint of mine against people who’ve produced some of the literature and TV that rings emotionally truest to me in the small scale (Sarah Dessen; Marshall Herskovitz and Ed Zwick); they only seem to write about their own world, in which everyone is some form of small-business owner, and near everyone is white, and after a while I just don’t believe in it anymore.

It’s hard to level that complaint against any individual book, but in a whole oevre it grates on me.* None of this changes that FOREVER… is a damn good story. Despite the artificiality I feel in the world being created by the publishing industry as a whole, I believe in Michael and Kath.

Although, not necessarily in how quickly they develop a sex life that many adults might be envious of. Just sayin’.

* I might also be particularly sensitive to this today because of how annoyed I was by one of today’s “Most Popular” articles in the New York Times, the latest in their never-ending series of uncritical lifestyle features on the thoughtlessly privileged, which features sentiments like, “Like most new parents, we just assumed our child would attend a private elementary school in Manhattan!”

UPDATE: Can you see this post? This seems to be the incredible disappearing post. I do not know why.

Shades of MSCL: When you can’t help but notice all the noticing you’re not supposed to notice. Also, boys are watching you. Don’t look.

From Laurie Halse Anderson’s WINTERGIRLS (Advance Reader Copy; may be different in the version available in stores and libraries). The number is the calorie-counting the anorexic narrator does throughout the book:

When the bread is done I scrape on a microscopic layer of [honey] (30) and pour a cup of coffee, black. She pretends not to listen or watch as I crunch through my breakfast. I pretend that I don’t notice her pretending.

…Now if only it’d been “pour a cup of coffee, black, with three or four sugars,” we’d be in a whole other realm of My So-Called Life reference. But anyways. This is from THE SWEET FAR THING by Libba Bray:

“I said, don’t look now,” Felicity hisses through clenched teeth. “The key is to make it seem as if you do not notice their attention.”

It may seem tenuous to connect these two quotes, which after all, don’t really have much in common. But what they do have in common is that they both totally echo this classic line from the pilot episode of MY SO-CALLED LIFE:


ANGELA (voice-over):
Like with boys, how they have it so easy! How you have to pretend you don’t notice them, noticing you.

blondangela3

Of course, since this is television, that line precedes an ironic segue — in this case, a brilliant one, to Brian getting shoved up against some lockers. Oh, Angela. What don’t you notice, indeed.

Why I Love It/Page and Screen: Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist: Why I Love it

I got NICK AND NORAH’S INFINITE PLAYLIST (the movie) from Netflix last weekend. I’m a fan of both Michael Cera and Kat Dennings, but this was a pretty lame movie, in my opinion. It did, however, help clarify for me why I liked the book by Rachel Cohn & David Levithan so much — which I did, very unexpectedly.

The book does not feel to me like an ode to NYC in all its glory — as Elizabeth mentioned, this was not my teenager-in-the-city experience. In fact I think part of what the book does well is capture the suburban teenager’s sense of adventure and freedom at a night out in the city, and the slight sense of smugness at “knowing” the city, which of course they don’t know or experience in the same way as a teenager who lives there like Elizabeth and I did.

Basically what I loved about the book is the consistent accurracy and immediacy of Nick and Norah’s thoughts — it just felt real to me as I was reading.  I especially like that both characters are pretty self-aware and self-analytical, but it still doesn’t stop them from being utterly confused about their crushes, or going in circles in their heads, or doing the things they’re perfectly well aware that they don’t really necessarily want to be doing, which is what I was like as a teenager.   And that aspect — the in-the-moment inner brain workings — doesn’t come across in movie.  So you’re left with just a story about two teenagers having a night out on the town, and they come across as very predictable, a little shallow, and a little annoying, all of which is true to the characters actions in the book, but in the book you’re not paying attention to their actions, you’re following their thoughts.  In the movie, you’re just following them, from one club to another. 

Plus, of course, the book has the ultimate bonus: not one but two MSCL references, which are not just thrown in but are used as a natural part of Norah’s thoughts, which is dead on — trust me, a teenager who loves MSCL will automatically use it as a reference point and will, without even trying to, relate aspects of their life back to scenes from the show. Plus, Norah thinks one of my favorite quotes:

Much as I want to learn more about Nick, I also want to take a time-out so I can tell Caroline all about him.  If Caroline were here, we could dissect Nick via My So-Called Life script/Jordan Catalano moments.

Rayanne:  I think part of him is partly interested in you.  Definitely.  I mean, he’s got other things on his mind.

Angela:  But that’s the part that’s so unfair.  I have nothing else on my mind.  How come I have to be the one sitting around analyzing him in like microscopic detail, and he gets to be the one with other things on his mind?

Rickie: That is deep.

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